This is so ridiculous...when the weekends come, she talks with me like we're best friends and nothing could separate us, yet during the week when she's at school and gets within 10 ft of her crush, then i'm just another "friend" who she doesn't talk with.  This is such madness i'm ready to just face the facts and listen to her stories about how hawt her crush is ><  Sometimes I get the feeling she doesn't want me around anymore, like not even to talk with about random stuff (school, what she's eating, etc) But then when the weekends come she'll say pratically ANYTHING to me, and I sit there wondering "wth...not with crush, talks with me ; yet with crush, i'm nothing..."  Its so hard to tell her that I want to listen to her stories about her crush, because I'd just sit there hurting deep inside, but at the same time I'd be happy because she's telling me directly.  It's strange I know, but that's just how it goes when you got that place in your heart that's still theirs, and they don't validate that T^T Everyday I get my hopes up after the weekend, and when the next day arrives, and I get little to nothing out of her, I just "crash" and feel like its all meaningless. *sigh* this isn't the time to be sad...its almost christmas, and I'm supposed to be happy, I just hope something...or someone...can change my mood for the better...

September 29th, I lost the one person I loved beyond anything I had ever felt in my entire life...my one and only Sha T________T  It's so hard to explain what happened, but she just suddenly stopped loving me altogether >< I don't know why or how this happened, but she had to break up with me, since she wasn't feeling happy at all.  Yet she's happy when she's with her friends and doing her own thing.  Throughout all of last week I was away and trying to cope with the shock, and I kind of did, and it seemed like all was going well till just now, and now I'm thinking about what she said in her "break up" letter, and it's been bothering me.  I still love her so much, even after we broke up, and I just can't simply stop thinking about her ><.  It's just what I find odd is that she's happy as she is now being with her friends online, yet with me she's not, and I just can't see what it could be.  Is it because I'm starting to bother/annoy her? Or maybe there's things I'm saying that upset her? idk T___T I WANT to fix this real badly, but I'm not sure if it'll work.  This only just happened, so it's probably just a matter of leaving her alone for a few weeks or so, but it's SOO hard to do that even.  I'm willing to do it, but then it's just not the same, because now I barely have anyone to talk to anymore on msn.  She was the only one I ever really talked to everyday, and now that she's not on it as much as before, it's starting to REALLY hurt now >< It may just be the weekend, or maybe cuz I'm over thinking this, but I just want her back....that's all that's on my mind, and I'd do ANYTHING to get her back T^T

So I had a little chat with one of the workers who's been working at FedEx for 5 years now, and she says that another employee (who we both know, also worked for an extensive period of time) who moved on to Target, also became an overnight stocker, and says she makes $10 / hour from 10pm - 6am @___@ That's $400 / week, but that's also full-time hours as well o.o So if I think about this for a moment...I'd have to sleep at about 2pm in the afternoon, instead of my usual 6 or 7pm that I do for FedEx.  I discussed this with Sha and she says she'd rather I sleep at 2pm rather than wake at 2pm, and sleep when i get home from work at 6am, because if I sleep at 2pm, that means we'll talk for a max of 8 hours, whereas if I woke at 2pm, that only gives us about 2 or 3 hours, on school days.  The good thing about this is that its a full time overnight, rather than full time during the DAY, since during the day, would mean i almost NEVER get to talk with her T___T. So now I'm thinking, if K-Mart doesn't take me, I can always try Target, since one of my mom's friends also works there, so it'll be a nice connection to get in, like FedEx was lol(?).